We all occasionally have foot in mouth disease and say things we wish we hadn’t, especially when meeting people for the first time. For some reason meeting a parent who have a deaf or hard of hearing child seams to really bring these moments out in people. So I am going to share with you some things you should never say to a parent of a deaf child. All of these have been said to me.
1 "Oh he is not that bad. He just heard me then." Or "Oh he heard me,"
Yes my child is deaf. Just because it looks like he can hear everything you are saying in no way means he is. My child has learnt to deal with a quiet wold. He learns routine very fast and can pick up on the smallest clues. If your eyes dart across the room he will guess where you want him to go. If another child is on one side of the room he will guess that is where you want him. He understands facial expressions better then most children. He is very good at body language.
2 "Oh, I’m sorry. " (then walk away)
Why are you sorry? You have done nothing wrong. I don't need you to be sorry I just need you to understand if you want my child to understand you make sure you are looking directly at him when you talk. Speak clearly, but don’t exaggerate your lip movements, if you do it will frustrate him or he will laugh at you because you look funny.
3 "He will never drive a car."
Why will my son not be able to drive? He is deaf not blind. I’m amazed at how many people think that deaf people cannot–or should not–get their driver’s license.Why will my son not be able to drive? He is deaf not blind.
4 - Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I think I have hearing loss, too – I have a hard time understanding people sometimes. You know like when everyone is talking at once or at a concert.
Why is it that everyone I meet suddenly has hearing loss? Not being able to hear people talking when you’re in a loud environment is not the same as being deaf or hard of hearing.
5 "You better get his eyes checked"
I don't understand why people think that because my child is deaf he needs his eyes cheeked. The ears are not part of the eyes.
6 "Are you sure?"
Yes I am sure my child is deaf. He has been tested more times then I can count.
7 "But he has hearing aids"
Yes he does. They are awesome little things but they cure his hearing. He still needs to be looking at you when you talk other wise it's like watching a movie but having to keep getting up do do something. You always miss parts and you need to fill in the blanks.
8 Are you going to get one of those things to fix his hearing?
Not all children can get a Cochlear implant it's just not that simple. It also suggest my child needs fixing. If you are going to ask this question get to know the person first.
9 "He is going to sound all dumb when he talks"
This comment implies that people who are unable to have clear speech are less intelligent, Plenty of deaf people have good speech
10 "What did you do wrong in pregnancy?'
Just because my child is deaf in no way means I did something wrong. This questions implies I must be the reason there is something "wrong" with my child. There is nothing wrong with my child therefore there is no way I could have done anything wrong in the pregnancy.
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