School for Master 4

Master 4 is deaf. Till this day it's still something I can't seam to get my head around. It's something that hurts more then words can describe. It is also something I have learnt to deal with. I do everything I need to do. Australian Hearing, Teachers of the deaf hearing aids etc etc but I deal with this by not thinking about my grief..

This year I am looking at schools for Master 4. I had this dream that all my children would go to the same primary school. There is a problem with that dream now. The problem is my child is deaf. It means I need to go through something call a special enrollment (the word special makes me feel sick to the stomach). It also means the school Master 6 goes to may not be the best school for Master 4.So the meetings with all the schools in my area begin to make Master 4 is going to get the best education my husband and I can afford.
 
My husband and I have agreed on a private education for all our children. We believe it will provide our children a better education. When it comes to school Master 4 will need an AVT (Teacher of the deaf). This is something the Queensland Govement provides in all State and private schools. The problem is The Queensland govement will be cutting the funding. Meaning an AVT will only be at state schools.

This has created many problems. It means my silly dream could be broken and it means I have to face that fact my son is deaf. It means I need to go though all the feelings that come with it. I view my son a normal but in the eyes of the world he is "speical" I hate looking at my sons aid everyday, I hate wondering if he has heard what I have said. I hate having to have the same routine because if we break it his world turns upside down. I feel ill thinking that he may not be able to go to the same school as his brother. I fear that he will feel different in his own family. I feel guilty that for whatever reason he is deaf. I am angry that my choice as a mother has been taken away. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to run away, I want to protect  but most of all I want my child to hear.